Don't Get Me Started...

Hi!

2012-01-26T12:14:00.002-09:00

Wow, I haven't posted in a long time! i didn;t have the mental energy.

Things got really, really bad at work. Then they got worse. Then I quit.

I'm working now as the marketing and communications manager for a non-profit that provides before and after-school programming and summer camps. The same program the boy has been going to after school since his first day of kindergarten.

And. I. Love. It.

Everyone is nice and caring and the whole point is to provide quality programming for kids, whereas the whole point of my last job was to make money for an already filthy rich family. People here assume you know what you are doing until proven optherwise, which is the opposite of where I was. And we have a budget and are expected to spend it wisely, and not constantly asked to do more with less, and all profits go into improving services. Unlike...well, you get it.

I'm not sure how often I will post but I can feel my head rising above the water line.

So, HI!

sigh

2011-11-14T09:40:00.002-09:00

I had a big, work-related disappointment on Friday and while I was OK all weekend, Monday morning is sitting on my chest like a lead weight. I am sad and angry and disillusioned.

How are you?

Wherein I become a gumpy 85-year-old woman and yell at kids to get off my lawn wiht their fancy "shoes"

2011-10-19T11:48:00.006-08:00

OK, I admit haven't gone show shopping in a while and when I have it's been for Danskos and other angry-ankle/arch-friendly footwear.

Well, I might (might, might, just might) need to dress up in a real live business suit in the near future, so I am looking for more appropriate footwear (and clothes that actually fit, but that's another post). And I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED!!! by the "choices."

Somehow, while I was getting old, I mean "resting my ankle in bed," someone decided women needed to be wearing platform hooker shoes with 4-inch heels!

Examples:

(these ones are actually named "Promiscucous", yes, really.)

(ooh, look, they rolled these ones in peanuts, like a Dairy Queen cone!)

I'm going back to bed.

Relief

2011-10-11T09:39:00.003-08:00

I suck at math.

I suck at money management.

I like to shop, especially when I am depressed.

That combination has been deadly for my family's budget (or lack thereof) over the years. And money is always a source of stress for me. We are never in danger of repossession or foreclosure or anything serious like that, but there are always bills that are 15 or 30 days late, overdraft fees, late fees, forgotten bills, etc.

Several times I have decided (and even told the husband) I was going to hand it all over to him to handle, or we would do it all together, and then for whatever reason (embarrassment over the pickle we were currently in, pride, a new resolve to be better at it) I didn't do it, and continued being the family's horribly bad money handler.

But yesterday I finally did it. I collected it all up, wrote down all the pertinent information, passwords, account numbers etc., and gave it all to the husband.

It's all on him now.

And it feels so good!!!!

Corporate stupidity

2011-09-12T14:46:00.002-08:00

The husband changed jobs last sumer and cashed out his 401(k). For the last six months or so he's been getting letters from the old employer and the old 401(k) company telling him there was a discrepancy in his favor and they were auditing his account and likely owed him a small amount of money.

Well, this weekend the check finally arrived.

A check for 1 cent.

YES, seriously.

BRAINS!!!!!!!!

2011-09-07T09:47:00.002-08:00

The Johnsons commented that all my new car needs is a vinyl sticker family on the back window. We both hate them and have laughed about them a few times on our blogs.

Well, I just ordered the perfect one! I'm getting these in lime green:

Yay for me!

2011-09-06T14:46:00.003-08:00

Turned out it was my alternator that was kaput, so I had the choice of fixing it (for $723) or getting a new vehicle.

Since I already had plans to trade it in for something with better gas mileage, and it was in the shop at the Ford dealership, I decided to get a new car.

And new it was! It had 29 miles on it when I drove it off the lot, and 9 of those were my test drive.

It's pretty and fun.

So my car died this morning...

2011-08-29T14:44:00.005-08:00

Yeah, fun times. It's something battery or alternator related (or both).

I got to work OK, and then at lunch, my friend Katie and I decided to try to jump it and then she would follow me to an autoparts store to try installing a new battery. I got as far as the left-turn lane at a major intersection when it died, refused to restart, refused to hold a charge, refused to go into neutral so we could not push it off the road (even if we had wanted to, and we didn't since it's pretty huge).

Standing on the median with my friend, Katie, for half an hour proved quite illuminating. We carried out a bit of an impromptu sociological experiment. Here's what we learned:

- Most people ignored us and just maneuvered on around us.
- 2 people flipped off (yes, really! I guess they take breakdowns a little personally).
- One guy in a BMW gave major attitude, sighing heavily and resting his head on his hands on steering wheel in frustration when we explained the car was not moving because it was disabled (the raised hood, open door and two women standing next to it on the median had apparently not alerted him to the situation).
- Only four people of the dozens of cars that passed us even bothered to ask if we needed help. One was a woman on her own, one was a teenager, one was a young 20-ish guy (who parked his car in a nearby parking lot and ran out to the median to talk to us!), and one was a guy in a truck.
- Many, many men and groups of men that looked like they could have handled pushing the car out of traffic drove by and ignored us.
- Katie is willing to pretend to talk on her cellphone for significant periods of time in order to look like she is doing something proactive in a crisis.
- I, on the other hand, am willing to stand there looking helpless, perhaps even whimpering. My brain stops functioning in this kind of situation and I cannot be relied on to make simple decisions and must therefore have Katie with me at all times.
- And the tow truck driver who eventually showed up to help us (after telling us he was right around the corner then taking 1/2 hour to show up) is a member of the Hells Angel, according to his jacket.

We think we'll write it up as a master's thesis, but first, we need to go out and do it again and see what the results are like if we flash a little boob...

Look at me, posting two days in a row!

2011-07-20T09:00:00.001-08:00

The boy is back at his outdoor/science camp and this week his session is called Woodland Wizards.

When I picked him up Monday night he told me in a disappointed voice: "We learned all bout plants and trees and animals but nothing about wizards!"

2011-07-19T11:17:00.003-08:00

I haven't had much to say lately. I have mostly recovered from my funk of last month, but the increase in happy pills made me anxious for a while (sad or anxious, your choice, what a deal!).

Last week I was away on business in Southeast Alaska and the weather was phenomenal and the activities were fun. Boats, boats, boats one day, bears, bears, bears, another day.

The boy and I leave on the 31st for two weeks at my mom and dad's and sister's houses, with a camping reunion weekend with the people I was a summer camp counselor with for several summers in the mid-80s in the middle. When I am not having fun, I plan to be pampered and eat lots of fresh-grown veggies and swim in Lake Huron with abandon.

Randomness

2011-07-06T12:55:00.002-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night (again, arrggh) and I was thinking of this so I thought I would share:

Smells I love:
- cat fur warmed by the sun
- the back of the boy's head
- the ground when it just starts to rain
- steak on a grill
- hyacinths
- warm bread
- strawberries
- pumpkin pie

Smells I hate:
- trash
- dog poop
- human urine
- diesel exhaust

You?

Still sad (but for a good reason this time)

2011-06-29T10:49:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow would have been Finnigan's 11th birthday.

I miss him so much.

Being a tourist

2011-06-27T10:17:00.003-08:00

We went on a glacier cruise on Prince William Sound on Sunday. I needed to do it for work so I can write about the experience, so I decided to take the fam. We had a wonderful time. I like doing touristy things, I just wish we could do them without the tourists, ya know?

I'm off the ledge

2011-06-23T13:33:00.002-08:00

I upped my happy meds and was nice to myself and I have started to feel a lot better.

I am still not sure why I am doing this, but I have decided to take Knitter Gran's advice and enjoy it anyway.

Thanks for the support.

This is bad

2011-06-21T10:18:00.003-08:00

I'm in a funk right now, and it's a bad one.

I am fighting with a total lack of purpose.

I get up and get the boy ready and drop him off somewhere to have fun and learn and go to work and put in a day and earn money so we can afford to feed and clothe and shelter myself and the boy and the husband and the dog and cat (well no clothes there), then go home and feed and clothe and shelter us, and go to bed and get up and do it all over again.

Why? Why am I doing this?

I can tell myself I am doing it for the boy, and I am, but why? So he can one day do it for his child? Is this just about continuation of the species?

What's the point?

Silly

2011-06-14T09:23:00.003-08:00

So I'm glad the boy's soccer team has a sponsor this year. It's the employer of one of the moms.

But I am not thrilled with the name.

Adventures in Eyecare?

That's not an area I want to have adventures. Something more like "Always the Same, Very Professional, Nothing Unexpected in Eyecare" is more my thing.

As my friend Katie said, "I guess 'Safaris in Colonoscopy' was taken."

Eeeeewwwwww

2011-06-02T08:44:00.005-08:00

So the boy is at a new day camp, one that focuses on outdoor education and science. And he loves it.

Loves. It.

Which makes me happy. I get to pick up a tired, happy, excited kid at the end of the day.

But, yesterday, I also got to pick up a kid with a baggie full of fur and bones, which had been puked up by an owl after digesting the edible parts of a mouse.

And he insisted I touch it!

Computer camp is sounding appealing today.

That's how I roll

2011-05-25T14:04:00.003-08:00

Last night I got definitive proof that I am a terrible mother.

The boy was telling me about a new movie he wanted to see. He was describing it: with three people who are friends and they go on adventures. They a re real people, not cartoons or animals, and the sequel was coming out, he'd seen it advertised on TV.

I wasn't placing it.

He said they sing a song about being the "three best friends that anyone could have..." and sang me a snippet of it.

Still not placing it, even though I was racking my brain.

Then he said "You know, Mommy, it's the one where they wake up and they don't know where they are and there is a chicken, and a tiger in the bathroom."

Oh. My. Dawg.

He was talking about "The Hangover."

Such a proud moment for me when I realized my Kindergarten-age son was familiar enough with an inappropriate adult movie that he could describe it, sing songs from it and want to see the sequel.

Well, at least he's an only child. I am only unleashing one messed up specimen on the world.

Still my little boy

2011-05-24T08:44:00.006-08:00

This little guy is a paradox right now.

Saturday night I retreated upstairs while he and his dad watched Jackass 3. I could not handle the silly grossness. Attaching a porta-potty with a full tank to a bungee cord and filming while the guy inside gets covered in poo? How is that funny? And really, how is it fall on the floor laughing and holding your sides funny? (But I loved listening from afar and hearing them laugh and giggle and yell "Oh my god, that's nasty!!!").

So he's a boy that loves doing grownup guy stuff with his dad.

But he's still my baby.

This morning before going downstairs to put his shoes on, he lovingly kissed each of his "Doggies with no legs" (little blankets with attached dog heads)

on their heads and laid them gently on his favorite blanket that I made for him when he was a baby.

It was the sweetest thing.

Then he ran over and farted in the cat's face.

Yeah.

Best birthday EVER!

2011-05-23T11:58:00.003-08:00

The boy turned 6 on Friday, and coincidentally, that was the day I was going flightseeing around Denali for work (I spend 90% of the year behind my desk, staring through windows that don't open, and 10% doing amazingly cool stuff).

So I arranged to take the boy and the husband along. Neither of them had ever been on a small plane, so I thought it would be a fun trip for both of them.

We waited most of the day for the cloud ceiling to lift so we could actually see Denali and it never did. But we took what we could get and did a lower glacier tour, at about 7,000 feet. It was pretty amazing in itself.

Of course, after a day of waiting outdoors and a load of allergy meds on board, the drone of the plane put the boy to sleep. I was worried he wold sleep through the whole thing, but he woke up about half way through and got to see the sights.

Here's some of what we saw (sorry they are so blue, my white balance was off):

(Ruth Glacier)

I could watch this for hours

2011-05-18T10:24:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n5AfHYST6E&feature=player_embedded

Easiest summer salad ever

2011-05-16T14:47:00.002-08:00

Made it last night and it's yummy.

It's one of those weeks

2011-05-12T10:43:00.000-08:00

I raced to get to the boy's school for 9:45 this morning for a field trip to the zoo, after spending a brief time at my office, cramming in a bunch of things I needed to get done (and forgetting one big one that my boss asked me to do, oops!).

And the classroom was empty. I briefly panicked, thinking they had left without me, and how disappointed the boy would be. But then the teacher walked in and said "You know the field trip is tomorrow, right?"

GAH!

So, tomorrow, I go to the zoo. Someone might need to remind me.

Reality check

2011-05-11T08:48:00.003-08:00

This is hilarious (biggify to read it all)

Famous, yo!

2011-05-09T10:32:00.002-08:00

I was on TV on Friday! I'm in the photo of the people sitting at the table eating weenies. I'm the one next to the guy with the gray beard (my boss).

Watch this: http://www.ktuu.com/features/whitekeys/

Mammoths and Mastodons and me, oh my!

2011-05-05T09:52:00.003-08:00

(That's a mammoth, not a mastodon, in case you were wondering)

I chaperoned on a field trip to the Anchorage Museum yesterday. The boy is taking an intensive (a two-week session with kids of various ages and a different teacher on a specific topic) on prehistoric Alaska, so the class went to see the traveling exhibit from the Field Museum in Chicago on called Mammoths and Mastodons: Titans of the Ice Age (between which I can now tell the difference! whoo bits!).

The exhibit was cool and I would have liked more time to see it (along with the regular museum exhibit on early Alaska that we briefly toured) without kids. I'll have to go back. It's here until October.

One of the kids in my car had a stuffy nose and nasty sounding cough, which made me less than happy. He also tended to take off and go missing, which stressed me out.

I was exhausted when I got back to work. Wrangling kids is hard work!

The funniest part was when the boy said his dad worked for a security company and one of the other kids said "Oh yeah? Well my mom works for something better: Money!...except we were broke until Wednesday."

I had to try really hard not to laugh. I wonder what secret the boys tells about our family...?

Wanna win a ipad?

2011-04-27T11:10:00.001-08:00

I’m posting this to enter a contest offered by CheckNGo at The Centsible Life! I want to win the iPad 2! Enter to win here: http://bit.ly/TCLiPad

Well

2011-04-27T08:28:00.002-08:00

It seems I have nothing to say this week. Oh wait, that's not true.

The other night, driving home from school, the boy was talking about the movie he watched the previous night. he said:

"It's a good movie for boys but not for girls."

I asked why, and he said:

"Boys like scary stuff but girls like butterflies and horses..."

Oh yes, he did!

Needless to say, he now knows the definition of the word "stereotype" and how to use it in a sentence.

Niiiice

2011-04-21T10:52:00.003-08:00

This sign was taped to the window at a drive-through I went through the other day:

Yeah, I don't think I want the currency with blood or burned either...

It's that time of year again...

2011-04-18T09:25:00.004-08:00

Bear season.

My boss' friend took this on Friday in a park within the city limits. That's Momma Bear at the base of the tree looking a bit pissed.

(borrowed from Bicycles and Icicles)

Why I love my job

2011-04-15T09:31:00.004-08:00

This is the time of year when I get to start planning cool stuff to do for work this summer. These are things in Alaska that I will go and do this summer and write articles about which will be scheduled to run throughout the next year.

And this is the part of my job that makes up for sitting on my butt in my office with windows that don't open the rest of the year, watching the sun come up at 10:30 a.m. in minus 12 degree weather day after day this winter and dealing with crappy office dramas that keep rearing their heads.

This year I am going to a town in southeast Alaska to research and write a profile on it, and while I am there I will be going bear watching and river running. This summer I will also be taking a flightseeing tour in a small plane over Denali (and I think I am going to take the husband and the boy with me because I just have to share that).

I love that I get to do this stuff. Remind of this next February when I hate my life.

I hope it lasts

2011-04-12T10:47:00.004-08:00

We've resorted to flat out bribery when it comes to getting a good night's sleep. And it seems to be working.

The boy has expressed considerable interest (read: whining, pleading, asking over and over and over) for a certain Lego Ninjagos building set. So the husband, in a stroke of genius the other night, said the boy could earn it by staying in bed all night and would get two stars for each night he did so. I added that he could earn an additional star each night for getting ready for bed, and actually going to bed, with no fuss.

When the boy asked how many stars he had to earn to get the Ninjago set, I did some quick mental math (read: pulled a large number out of my ass) and said "25." Later, when I did the real math I figured out that, if it works, that could get me 8.3333333 nights of uninterrupted sleep and no fuss at bedtime! SCORE!

And guess what? It's working! The first night we heard him get out of bed at about 1:00, walk to his bedroom door, stop for a second, then go back to bed (obviously remembering the Ninjago stars), and gave each other a silent fist bump across the sheets.

Then Saturday night, the husband reports (and I only have this second-hand because I was SLEEPING!!!) the boy apparently got up, went potty and WENT BACK TO BED!!!!

And last night, he considered fussing because he wanted to watch the rest of his TV show when I told him (after a 5-minute warning) that it was time to brush his teeth and get his jammies on. But, when reminded of the potential to earn stars, he silently walked up stairs and carried through with his bedtime ablutions with no complaint.

I know!

Bribery, the best parenting tool ever invented.

My little ninja

2011-04-11T13:53:00.005-08:00

We went to a gun show on the weekend (Yes, I KNOW, I've thought it all already so you don't even need to say it) and while there the boy found a wooden Samurai sword and I thought his head would explode.

It was only $8 and he had been so good with following the gun show rule of "hands in pockets at all times" so I got it for him.

It's so appropriate that he was wearing his karate hoodie at the time!

Yay spring!

2011-04-11T09:02:00.002-08:00

Spring is finally here. It is still going down below freezing at night, but daytime temps are up to 45-50 degrees and the snow is melting and it's been sunny and lovely. The end result is, my winter funk (that I didn't even realize I was in) has finally lifted.

And I had a super-productive weekend:

- did three loads of laundry (got it washed, dried, folded and sorted into separate baskets for each person, got some of it put away)
- vacuumed the house
- determined exactly what was wrong with the armchair and called around to find someone to fix it
- repaired the boy's ski-gear bag with fabric glue
- put away a bunch of toys the boy does not play with and organized the storage closet while I was at it
- gathered up the winter coats and put them away in the storage closet (which will pretty much guarantee it snows a foot this week)
- scraped all the old, non-sticking glue off the tub and reapplied fresh glue to hold the caulking tape down and prevent our bathroom walls from rotting away (have been needing to do this for months)
- took down (and threw out) the nasty shower curtain liner that I could not get the mildew stains out of no matter how many times I washed it (what is that orange stuff that grows on there?) and put up a new one
- sorted out all the mending and got the sewing machine out and left it on the table so I will see it and remember to do mending after work this week
- roasted a bunch of veggies to have for dinner tonight
- tidied the boy's room
- washed the outside of my car (at a car wash, not in the driveway, and I love the fact that the DEC suggests using a car wash in order to preserve water quality, so I can justify not doing it myself for the sake of the sea otters) and organized the inside so I can vacuum it some day this week
-emptied the dishwasher, refilled and ran it (and yes, this is an accomplishment, because this winter I stared at a sink overloaded with precariously stacked dishes most of the time because the idea of emptying the dishwasher was overwhelming)
- spent time with my family (took a drive, went to a gun show, went out for dinner)

And woke up this morning feeling energized. Yay sunshine and warm weather!!!

Welcome to modern life

2011-04-07T08:25:00.003-08:00

My son's class has a thing called memory books, where the teacher takes photos during the school year and then divides them up between the students and the parents are supposed to help the child glue them in a scrapbook and write what was happening in the photos in the book.

I have been in once or twice before classes started in the morning to help the boy with his but I have not been in to do it lately. I got an email from the teacher last night:

"I noticed that (the boy) has a lot of pictures that need to be put into his memory book. Either mornings or evenings when you pick him up would be a good time to work on it. You do the writing and he tells you about each picture. Thanks for your help."

Mornings are crazy and unless I take an hour off work to be there to do it, it's just not possible. After school, when I pick him up from his aftercare program at 5:15 we both just want to go home and relax, or get to our afterschool activities, and the thought of sitting in the classroom and forcing him to focus on that when hes tired and cranky is ore than I can bear.

So I wrote back asking if she could send it home and we could do it there and send it back.

The answer: "No, I'm sorry. This has always been something that is done in class with each student. Does your husband have a more flexible schedule?"

Ummm, no. Much less, actually. Lately, we've been lucky to see him before 7:00 at night.

And also, I don't get why it HAS to be done in the classroom and not in my living room.

I'm frustrated and feeling like a bad parent over it.

School is from 8:15-3:00. I work from 8:00 to 5:00, as does my husband. There is no before-school care program at his school. I am late for work EVERY morning to avoid leaving my kid waiting in the hallway for 25-30 minutes (thankfully my boss is understanding about this because the other option is to start work at 8:30 and then be even later picking him up each night).

Does every other parent have the time and energy for this and I don't? Does every other kid have a parent who only works part time and has time during their day to be in the classroom? Good for them, but it's not the way my family works.

He's in Kindergarten for sheet's sake. Why could the guilt and feelings of parental less-than-ism (that is SO a word) not wait a few years?

Moosie time

2011-04-06T08:46:00.005-08:00

It's always moose season in Anchorage. They don't hibernate, so they are out and about all winter. But this time of year, as the snow melts and uncovers browse they haven't been able to get to in the last few months, they are even more visible.

I saw three on the way to work this morning, three yesterday and two the day before that. And soon it will be baby moose season! So CUTE!

I love that I can see huge, wild animals on a daily basis without even trying. Anyone remember when I saw a black bear and cubs on the side of the road last summer? And this photo is cool, too.

I live in a cool place. Of course, it's not so cool when you get a note home from daycare about a black bear visiting the playground. But you take the good with the bad.

Enough already!

2011-04-05T09:41:00.000-08:00

It's snowing here today. Yeah. I'm thrilled.

And this

2011-03-30T11:43:00.002-08:00

Is for The Johnsons in China, who has been laughing at all the stick-people window stickers she's seen since she got back to the US.

This made me laugh

2011-03-30T11:15:00.002-08:00

All the world's a stage

2011-03-30T09:40:00.004-08:00

I haven't had much to say lately but I did have a bit of an epiphany today that I thought I would share. I realized that I have been going through the stages of mourning over my foot/ankle problems.

For a while, I denied that the problem was serious or would last long.

I've been pretty angry about it and the fact that it is curtailing my activity and might be permanent after all.

I've bargained. I even posted on facebook that I can live with not wearing heels ever again but I won't wear ugly sensible shoes. And who can forget the emotional breakdown at the podiatrist's office when he dared to suggest sneakers over my pretty Danskos???

Yep, I've been depressed over it.

And I am starting to accept it. Of course, it is getting a lot better with rest and acupuncture, so I might be back to denial, who knows?

Aging, I don't recommend it.

Sufferin' succotash!

2011-03-25T08:40:00.001-08:00

My sister got this awesome email at work today:

Environmental Services would like to inform all staff that we are currently using a fake coyote (Wiley) to help with the geese issue. Several staff have come to Environmental Services and informed us they were startled when seeing Willey. Don’t be alarmed, Wiley is supposed to look intimidating. We could use everyone’s help. If you are passing by Wiley, please give him a pat on the head. This will help in making the geese think he is real. Thanks for everyone’s help.

Housekeeping Supervisor

Update: My sister reports that Wiley has been stolen!

Randomness

2011-03-23T10:11:00.003-08:00

Last night, the boy and I made sock puppets. Mine is an alien named Snorg (blue one at the top with antennae). I'm not sure what his three are...

And, can someone explain to me how this happens? The ice seems to be trying to escape the tray.

Come see me

2011-03-22T13:52:00.001-08:00

I'm over here today

Healing

2011-03-17T09:58:00.004-08:00

My dear sweet friend Claire thinks I am not recovering from this scourge as quickly as I should and just made a drive-by visit to the office to deliver a care package:

Antiseptic wipes, chicken soup, orange juice, vitamin C tablets, honey, berries and eucalyptus bath bubbles. I am now under orders to skip karate tonight, go home, have a bath and relax.

Sounds good. Do I have to wait until the end of the work day or can I leave now?

More mania

2011-03-15T09:24:00.003-08:00

I just sent this email to my sister

"getting better but the meds are making me a bit manic. But I put it to good use last night and spent a few hours going through our earthquake/emergency kit and updating it and making a list of what we need to buy. Tonight I am going to pack go-bags for each of us and once I get a bunch of water and get it all stashed in the shed I can relax. (except we need to get the propane heater from the cabin and bring it here so we have a heat source...) (mind racing, can you tell?)"

And then I started a list of things I still need to get (or collect from other locations) for the kit, including that water I mentioned, sleeping bags, bleach, toilet paper...

And in the process I realized exactly how wired I am at the moment. My whole body is buzzing and i keep wiggling my fingers like I need to stretch them or pop them or something.

I need to chill. I hope acupuncture at lunch will help.

Monday mania

2011-03-14T10:06:00.002-08:00

- My tight chest and barking cough got a lot worse over the weekend so yesterday I went to a walk-in clinic and the doctor said "Yep, you're sick!" He gave me a nebulizer treatment on the spot and sent me home with antibiotics and an inhaler and orders to listen to the husband next time he tells me to go to the doctor.

- So last night I was shaky and ramped up from the steroids and rearranged my dining room at midnight! fun stuff.

- The main reason for the rearrangement was to move the freezer away from the side table that Ferguson stood on when he opened the freezer yesterday (again!) and snacked on frozen salmon bellies while we were out. I think if he is at floor level it may be harder to get the top up.

- Ferguson's farts post-salmon-belly-binge were so bad they woke me up several times last night.

- My mind is racing and I am very anxious today and I know it's the meds. The cure for this is almost as bad as the illness, which is why I was putting off seeking medical help (Heather, I know you know exactly what I mean).

Friday bitz and pieces

2011-03-11T09:59:00.004-09:00

- My horrible cold has left me with sinuses that won't drain (thanks to my dysfunctional crustacean tube, I am sure) and a cough that had led people today to refer to me as "smoker," and "trained seal." Nice. The best part is having to cross my legs and hope for the best if I cough when standing up. Another thing to hold over the boy's head! Can't you just hear me: "After 19 hours of labor, 15 of it with no pain meds, they cut me open and took a person put of me and now I pee whenever I cough!"

- The husband is in Fairbanks for business and his hotel is packed to the gills with Japanese people who go there in the winter to have sex under the northern lights. It's supposed to boost fertility and aid in conceiving a boy. Weird. I'm fine getting it on in my nice warm bed, not in a snowbank at 20 below, thanks.

- The boy, who won't let me touch him in public for fear of mortal embarrassment, came into my bed at 1:00 this morning and I let him stay because the husband was away and there was room. He snuggled in and said "Here you go mommy, cuddle all you want!" Sweet kid. (Of course, he then proceeded to moan and kick for the rest of the night)

Eye spy...

2011-03-09T14:50:00.006-09:00

So I went out at lunch for an eye exam and to order new glasses.

These are my cool new frames:

The optometrist did a dilated pupil exam and the good news is, no macular degeneration (which my mom has). The bad news is (as I sit at my desk lookng like a terrified cat, waiting for my eyes to return to normal) I have realized today that there is not a single part of my job I can without using my vision.

Also

2011-03-07T10:04:00.005-09:00

My husband handed me my phone on the weekend which was open to facebook and saw a response to a status posting from Barb Cooper. He asked me who she was and I said "She's an online friend who lives in Long Island."

"How do you know her?"

"I read her blog, she reads mine (I think)"

"So you don't really know her and if you turned up on her doorstep she wouldn't know you from Adam..."

"Well...no...but if I introduced myself she'd welcome me with a hug and direct me to Thomas the Fat Cat so I could snorgle his floof..."

(blank stare from the husband)

"And so would Heather in Austin...and Alice in Atlanta..."

"You women are weird."

I love my bloggy friends!

Slogging through

2011-03-07T09:06:00.002-09:00

What a crap-ass weekend I had. I am still fighting this crud and I would have moments of feeling almost normal during which I would make great plans (change the sheets on the bed! fold laundry! run errands! go to the grocery store! call a friend for coffee! ((Hi Katie))) and I would get halfway through the list and feel like I was going to die.

And then I would have to remake the bed with clean sheets before I could do so.

And the boy's behavior was sucky this weekend as well. I think he was bored. I was took sick to take him to karate on Saturday and the husband was working all weekend (corporate meetings this week) and could not take him skiing yesterday. Plus, he's going through a difficult phase of not listening and questioning authority. It's fun.

Yesterday at one point I got upset with him for not listening (my temper is short with this sickness too which just adds to the overall atmosphere of All Fun All The Time! in my house) and I was lecturing him about the "You don't listen, Mommy gets angry, you get in trouble, you get sad" cycle as I was getting dressed.

I pulled my belt out of my closet and he said "What's that for?"

I snapped the leather and said totally deadpan "So I can beat you..."

And the little f-er burst out laughing!

Glad to know he feels secure enough at home that the idea of being beaten with a belt is a hilarious joke, but still, shouldn't he be just a little scared of that??

Ack

2011-03-03T09:26:00.003-09:00

I'm sick. Sore throat, headache, achy body and stuffy nose. I slept all day yesterday, then was awake from 11:00 to 2:00 watching a marathon of Hoarders on TLC.

Today I am at work but wishing I was in bed.

Excuse me while I whine in the corner...

This is great

2011-03-01T11:06:00.000-09:00

Lolcats channel Charlie Sheen

My weekend

2011-02-28T10:19:00.003-09:00

The boy loves his Daddy. Which is awesome, it truly is. But lately he's been ALL ABOUT DADDY. I can't kiss or hug him in public for fear of someone seeing us, but he can snuggle with Daddy in a restaurant like this and it's ok because "It's guy stuff, it's different." OK then...

We went to a hockey game the other night and the boy has a great time ringing his cowbell...

And pretending to be a walrus.

And I got my purple belt. Halfway to black!

Budget woes

2011-02-25T09:15:00.003-09:00

I am shaking my head at the idea of a federal government shut down. Seriously folks, get it together and fix this.

A shutdown will put a lot of hardworking government employees on a furlough they cannot afford. Sure, all essential services will still be carried out, only none of the people doing them will get paid! I know this because the last time the government shut down the husband (who at that time was the future boyfriend I had yet to meet) still had to show up at the federal prison where he was a case manager, but did not get paid for several weeks. And when the government starts up again, they don't get back pay. They just lose several weeks' pay.

But guess who will still get paid if there is a shut down? Yep, the people who caused it by not coming to an agreement on the budget.

Random things

2011-02-23T09:03:00.003-09:00

- I went for my first acupuncture treatment yesterday. And it was luuuuuuurvely. I actually fell asleep! And went back to work refreshed and very relaxed. I'm going to try to go once a week and hope it helps resolve the underlying inflammation issue that is causing all my ankle/foot problems.

- I signed the online petition against cutting federal funding for Planned Parenthood. If you agree their funding for contraception, health exams, sex education and crisis care should not be cut (less than 10 % of their services are abortion related and they don't get federal funding for that anyway), go here: I Stand With Planned Parenthood

- Crap ass shit is happening at my office. the same kind of stuff that happened 18 months ago that left me popping xanax to get through the day. but this time I have decided not to stress out about it and just wait and see what happens. I can't afford to walk out but I'll definitely start looking for a new job if things do not improve.

Things kids say

2011-02-21T10:37:00.004-09:00

The boy comes out with some pretty funny stuff sometimes and this weekend was no exception.

On Saturday morning we were driving the husband to his office (where he left his truck so he could have a beer with dinner Friday night) and we went through a Starbucks drive through.

Just as we pulled up, the boy yelled from the back seat "Venti, no-foam, peppermint latte, please!"

He kills me.

Pissing off right-wingers: It's my job

2011-02-18T10:42:00.003-09:00

Arrrggghhh. At the risk of pissing off my more conservative readers I have to say I am not at all pleased to hear that my state is considering creating a "Choose Life" official license plate.

While I am pro-choice (not pro-abortion, but pro-every-woman-having-the-right-to-have-one-without-interference-from-the-government-if that-is the-best-choice-for-her-at-that-time) I don't think any issue like this should be supported on either side, on a state-issued license plate.

If this goes through, I am totally getting a bumper sticker I saw recently , which I have heretofore been too timid to put on my vehicle for fear of pissing people off. It says

"Jesus loves me, but only for my tits"

Stick a fork in me...

2011-02-17T11:29:00.004-09:00

I just made an appointment for nest Tuesday for acupuncture to see if it will help with my foot issues. I've had it in the past for wrist issues and it did help and I figure it's not likely to hurt.

Its so pricey usually but I found a clinic right by my office that does “community treatment” a few days a week, where you are in a room with 5 easy chairs and they treat your distal points and head for between $25 and $45, whatever you feel comfortable paying. I spoke with the practitioner on the phone and he seemed very nice and competent and checked them out on their website and they seem well trained and legit.

The best part is, he said once the needles are in you can stay as long as you like (they recommend at least 1/2 hour) and they keep noise at a minimum so most people nap until their body wakes them back up to tell them the treatment is done. That sounds divine.

I have to say I am feeling a lot more positive about the foot issue this week. It no longer hurts now that I have it immobilized. Having my foot hurt with every step I take really does me in. And if I have to wear this boot for the rest of my life to walk without pain that really would not be a huge deal to me. It's a pain in the butt and not very fancy but preferable to constant actual pain.

Well, that was a mistake

2011-02-15T13:38:00.003-09:00

I started doing some research and Dr. Google tells me it usually takes 7 to 12 weeks in a boot to heal a ruptured plantar fascia.

That's three months! Super duper!

On one hand, it's nice because the boot and air cast arrangement has me walking without pain. But it's winter and my toes are mostly exposed. I scooped up a bootful of snow this morning on the way to my car. That was fun.

Oh well, it's for the greater good of my future mobility. I'll just keep reminding myself I'd like to be able to walk for at least a few more decades.

Set back

2011-02-14T13:40:00.003-09:00

So, Friday morning my angry arch and ankle started to murmur again after 10 days of radio silence imposed by a cortisone shot. Then, Friday night as I was walking up the stairs in my house, I felt sharp pain along the bottom of my foot and a popping/cracking/snapping sensation.

Off to see the podiatrist today and he tell me I have ruptured part of my plantar fascia. The official diagnosis is "exploding fascia."

Fun.

The only good part is he told me I may have saved myself from surgery. Once of the treatments for severe plantar fasciitis is to surgically loosen the ligament. And I just did that myself without even trying.

And so I am back in the boot cast with the added fun of an inflatable air cast under my arch.

Hey, at least I can qualify for a disabled parking permit.

From the New Yorker

2011-02-11T09:37:00.001-09:00

This is great

Stumped

2011-02-10T10:04:00.000-09:00

I just have nothing of note to say this week. So I'll just say Hi.

Laughing my ass off

2011-02-07T13:00:00.002-09:00

One of the main reasons I fell in love with my husband was his ability to make me laugh. Hard. And he reminded me of that last night.

The boy was talking about Finnigan, who died in November, and said "He's up in doggy heaven, right, Daddy?"

The husband said "Yep, that's right buddy."

Then turned to me and said under his breath "And he's also in a tin can over by the TV set..."

That feels better!

2011-02-04T10:22:00.000-09:00

I love Fuck-a-Duck Friday at the Derfwad Manor!

Sigh

2011-02-02T09:09:00.004-09:00

I am a bad friend/sister/daughter-in-law.

I mean to call people, or email them or have the boy write them a note (which involves me spelling every word for him, one letter at a time) or just generally keep in touch, and then I forget. Or I get busy. Or when I remember it is too late in the day because of the time difference. Or I just don't have the energy.

Most of my friends and family members are forgiving and understanding of this, which I greatly appreciate. But a few are not. And some days I feel bad about those ones. Other days, I think well, this is the me you get, deal with it.

Bok, Bok!

2011-02-01T09:31:00.003-09:00

I love this site and yesterday they make me laugh pretty hard.

My favorite answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road?" was this:

The Chicken crossed that road after staring at it for several years. It was her Rubicon, her cross to bear, the albatross around her neck. That road was her ex-boyfriend, her mother in law, her own mother, her 3rd grade teacher, and her miscarriage all wrapped up in one. That road stood for everything that said "you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or ballsy enough" to cross me. Chicken dreamed about that road. It made her wake up in the night, horny and sobbing. She obsessed about it, spent hours in therapy processing it, and wrote two entire novels about it. That nobody bought. Finally, after facing postpartum depression, a foreclosure, and the loss of her sister to breast cancer, Chicken realized that the road was only in her mind and she said "Screw it" (only it sounded more like "BOK BOK!") and just crossed it. And you know what? It was no big deal.
Kim Tracy Prince
House of Prince

Also a shout out to my bloggity friend Hokgardner for her answer:

Because all four of her little chickens had taken off running with scissors and matches and plastic bags and she had to round them all back up again.
Hokgardner
www.hokgardner.com

Awesome in Amman

2011-01-31T12:41:00.005-09:00

OK, I have lived in some rural places, including southern West Virginia and Bethel, Alaska, (also known as Beth Hell) and I have even had a vet make a housecall, but never to this extent: You have to read this

Who died and left them in charge?

2011-01-28T10:00:00.003-09:00

My angry ankle has irritated my arch and heel recently so I had to sit out karate last night (my foot issues are making me mad and sad but this post is not about that so I will not go into that issue any more except to say FUCKITYFUCKFUCK ((I have be swearing on this blog a lot recently. Not sure why. It's very freeing)))).

So I sat in the waiting room at the dojo trying to read and study for my test next month and failing at both, but I had an interesting chat with some of the moms I know. They are both going to school part time and either working or being a SAHM (one had 4 boys (!!!) under the age of 8 ((!!!!))). And their husbands don't seem to be making it very easy for them. one of them was saying the only time she has to study is when the kids are in bed, and the other one said her husband explicitly told her that her school work and classes could not interfere with family time (he sounds like a complete dick, based on that and other things she has told me).

I guess my dad was ahead of his time, because when I was a kid and my mom was getting a second degree, he would take us three kids camping for the weekend so my mom could study for exams or write an essay in peace. When I told them that their jaws literally dropped!

So I called my parents on the way to work this morning to tell them this story and thank them for modeling a healthy partnership relationship for me. They were not perfect and their relationship may not have been completely egalitarian, but they were certainly always on the same team and always willing to help the other do what they needed to do to advance themselves personally and professionally.

I have told the husband he is not allowed to consider law school or a Ph.D. (he browses online degrees every once in a while and gets me nervous) until he is retired because I would never see him, but if he got really serious about it, or needed to go back to school to get out of a career he hated, I am sure we could make it work. And if he wanted to do an executive MBA I'd be on board and we'd make it work (he doesn't need to worry about me because I swore the day I finished my Master's degree that I am NEVER going back to school and I mean it!).

I feel like getting those husbands' cell numbers and having my dad give them a talking-to!

Say what?

2011-01-27T09:18:00.004-09:00

As promised, here is a post on the crazy shiat they ask you on the U.S citizenship application form, in the interview with a Dept of Homeland security agent and again at your naturalization ceremony, immediately before you swear your oath of allegiance:

- Have you ever been a member of or associated with any organization, association, fund foundation, party, club, society or similar group in the US or in any other country?

Umm, pretty freaking broad question...why don't we just get right down to it and ask if I have ever been a communist or terrorist? Oh, wait, here we go:

- Have you ever been a member of or in way associated (either directly or indirectly) with: the Communist party? Any other totalitarian party? A terrorist organization?

Umm, like anyone would say yes, even if they had? If I am filling out this form it kinda means I want citizenship and it's not likely you'd give it to someone who say "Why yes, come to think of it, I was a member of the Taliban...why do you ask?"

- Have you ever advocated (either directly or indirectly) the overthrow of any government by force or violence?

Again, like anyone who wants citizenship would admit it, if they had.

- Have you ever persecuted (either directly or indirectly) any person because of race, religion, national origin, membership or a partictlar social group or political opinion?

Does mocking Sarah Palin count?

- Between March 23, 1933 and May 8, 1945, did you work for or associate in any way (either directly or indirectly) with: the Nazi government of Germany? Any government of any area 1) occupied by, 2) allied with, or 3) established with the help of the Nazi government of Germany? Any German, Nazi or SS military unit, paramilitary unit, self-defense unit, vigilante unit, citizen unit, police unit, government agency or office, extermination camp, concentration camp. prisoner of war camp, labor camp or transit camp?

Wait, what were those dates again? Let me think...nope, no, I am pretty sure I didn't, and neither did my parents who were small children at the time! By the way, this form needs updating.

- Have you ever committed a crime or offense for which you were not arrested?

Come on, give it up!

- Have you ever: Been a habitual drunkard?

Seriously, that's the wording. Not, Are you a recovering alcoholic? which might mean something, but Do you carry a bottle in a brown paper bag and sleep under the freeway overpass?

- Have you ever: Been a prostitute, or procured anyone for prostitution? Sold or smuggled controlled substances, illegal drugs, or narcotics? Been married to more than one person at the same time? Helped anyone enter or try to enter the US illegally?

Do they really expect honest answers from anyone that might need to say yes?

And it just goes on and on...

Your tax money at work, people!

Your bonus for today

2011-01-26T09:41:00.006-09:00

This is the guy I lost my virginity to! At summer camp, not surprisingly. You're welcome.

http://watch.ctv.ca/news/clip407519#clip407519

Oh, say, can you see?

2011-01-26T08:49:00.005-09:00

Yesterday I was sworn in as an American citizen.

It was a pretty quick application process. I submitted the paperwork in September, was interviewed in December and sworn in in January. So, about 4 months.

And the ceremony felt just about that long, too! Seriously, it was endless. The letter I got said to be at the old federal building downtown at 12:30. So, being me, I was there at 12:15. They took our green cards and letters and had us sign our certificates, then took them back.

And then we waited.

Until 1:30!!!!!

Yeah.

The husband did a good job of keeping the boy entertained. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, since I was sitting in the jury box and they were in the audience but the husband tells me they were spotting the hidden cameras and trying to figure out where the U.S. Marshals all had their guns and extra ammunition clips hidden under their blazers. You know, the kind of stuff every 5-year-old and his dad discuss...

At 1:30 on the dot, the judge entered and welcomed us, then, lawd a'mercy, we had to suffer through a rendition of several patriotic songs by the local Sweet Adelines group. shudder. The best part was their be-dazzled denim jackets and vests!

(please ignore the photo quality, the husband was in charge of the camera)

Then we raised our right hands and repeated the oath as a group.

(note that I am crossing the fingers on my left hand. this photo was obviously taken during the part where I swore to "renounce and adjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen." OH CANADA!!!!)

The we were citizens!

But we still had to accept our certificates and shake the judge's hand, then sit through a speech from the judge (who told us to exercise our new right to vote but not to base our choices on attack ads in the media) and a speech from a federal law clerk (???) who told us why the USA rocks.

Then we were done and I dropped the boy back off at school and came back to work and my coworkers surprised me with cake and patriotic decorations (made in China of course).

I don't feel any different but it a relief to know I don't have to worry about my immigration status or renewing a visa or green card ever again!

Tomorrow: the crazy shiat they ask you when you apply for citizenship.

Big day!

2011-01-25T08:37:00.002-09:00

I get sworn in as an American citizen today at 12:30 (ish. we're talking Federal government and a courtroom here, nothing happens on time)!

A smile for Monday

2011-01-24T11:10:00.000-09:00

This is awesome:

Almond the cat, who lives in a tree

Kiss my fat ass!

2011-01-21T09:41:00.002-09:00

So, last night just before I left the office, a woman I work with offered me some nasty-looking dried veggie chips she was eating. I declined, and made a joke about them being "waaaaay too healthy for me."

So she fucking turned to my boss, who was standing next to me, offered them to him and said "You look like you eat healthy."

Yeah...

To sleep, perchance to dre...no, fuck the dreams, I want sleep!!

2011-01-19T10:21:00.006-09:00

I think I need to have a "Come to Moses Talk" (Thanks for that expression, Leah, I love it!) with the boy about his sleeping habits.

The husband left early yesterday morning before the boy was awake for a day trip to Fairbanks. He got home last night after the boy was in bed already. At 2:00 this morning, the boy came into our room and pulled on daddy's heart strings (so I hear, I was obliviously ASLEEP! AS PEOPLE TEND TO BE AT 2 A.M.!!!) , saying "Daddy, I missed you, can I get in and cuddle?"

Cue the violins and parental guilt. So the husband acquiesced. And I got kicked awake a few minutes later. I saw what was going on and decided I was having none of it!!!!

So, I went and slept in the boy's bed. And I had a wonderful sleep. And when I got up at about 5 this morning to go potty, the husband had the light on, and was attempting unsuccessfully (it took two of us, how can a 50-pound little person weigh so much when they are asleep?) to move the boy off his side of the bed (the boy is a cling-sleeper and requires full body contact at all times).

This has gotta stop or one of us will climb a clock tower and threaten to shoot people just for the quiet nights (ALONE!!!) it will score us in a padded cell.

Life Lessons

2011-01-18T09:36:00.002-09:00

I took the day off yesterday to hang out with the boy who was off school for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. (My company is owned by a old southern family from Georgia, there is no way in hell I was getting the day off without using vacation).

I felt kind of bad that we were spending the day dealing with my car being in the shop, buying shoes and watching Spongebob, so I turned on a TV show about MLK and let the boy watch a bit while I explained who he was and why we had the day off. The boy saw some footage of a man being beaten by police on the streets of Montgomery, and turned to me horrified and said "Mommy, the police are beating that brown man! Even the police thought brown people were dirty back then?"

He was shocked and disturbed and the lesson was learned.

Later, we headed out to a bounce house to kill some time, burn off some energy and thumb our noses at the minus-10 degree weather. And there, of all places, I really saw the efforts and sacrifice of MLK in action.

The boy met a friend from school and they played themselves out on the bouncy equipment, and ran over, panting, to line up for the water fountain. And no one thought anything of it, even though the boy is white and his friend is "brown." No one suggested his friend should play elsewhere or drink from a different fountain, I'd be willing to be it didn't even occur to anyone there to think those things.

And so, Martin Luther King's legacy carries on.

2011-01-13T11:47:00.000-09:00

A new low

2011-01-13T08:26:00.002-09:00

Well, last night was an interesting night.

I met my friend Jessie and her kids at McDonald's playland and it was off. the. hook. Kids were screaming and yelling and running and crazy. Basically a normal, dark, cold, winter winter night in Anchorage.

So Jessie's kid, Alex, age 5, pushed another kid, a little girl about 2, and we saw it happen. She didn't fall down, and Jessie was over there like a shot disciplining Alex for it. Basic normal parenting stuff.

Then everything got abnormal.

The little girl's mother rushed over, snatched up her child and said to Alex "Get your fucking hands of my kid, you fucking little brat..."

WELL!

Jessie was like excusethefuckouttame? And she told the woman it was being handled, he was a kid doing a kid thing and she was dealing with it ands there was no need to call her child nasty names. And the woman responded with something along the lines of "You need to get your fucking brat under control."

So Jessie repeated that it was being dealt with, all the kids are crazy and the woman needed ot back the hell off and get out of her face.

So the woman walks off yelling at Jessie and the woman's mother comes over. She's one of those skanky old women you can tell has smoked all her life, walking with a cane and looking cranky. Tells Jessie she needs to back off and stop yelling at her daughter. Jessie is like "Well there is no need for your daughter to yell and swear at my kid." And the old lady said "Well there is no need to be a bitch, either."

At that point I stepped in because my momma bear instinct took over, I guess (damn Alaskan curse...) and I got in between them, in the old lady's face, being very assertive and forceful but not touching her or yelling, and said "You don't get to stand there calling my friend a bitch. It was being handled and your daughter overreacted and you all need to leave."

The old lady said she wasn't going anywhere (actually it was "I ain't going nowhere," but I am being grammatically kind to her) and I repeated that she needed to back the hell off and leave, now.

So, of course, at this point, the woman (the mother of the child Alex pushed, keep up, people!) came back over and told me to get the fuck away from ehr mother. I said wasn't going anywhere (in those words) and she and her mom didn't get to stand there calling my friend a bitch and needed to leave, yadda, yadda.

The whole time in the back of my head I am saying "OMG the husband would kill me for doing this, I better not hit her because I might get arrested and I have a pending citizenship application, OMG the husband is gonna kill me, I'll hit her back if she hits me and use a reverse punch to the face then try to take her down, OMG the husband is gonna kill me..."

And then.

The freaking woman hauls off and SPITS IN MY FACE!!!!!!

Well. I . Lost. It.

I didn't hit her but I got right in her face screaming "Are you fucking crazy???? Are you insane? You SPIT??? In in my FACE????"

My screaming (so proud) attracted the attention of the staff in the main part of the restaurant and the manager came running in, along with a guy who said "I'm off-duty Anchorage Police..."

I was like Oh thank dog, cause I was going to have to take this chick out if she hit me...

So they separated us and I got the cop (yay!) and he asked me to tell him what happened and quickly figured out that I was not in the wrong (even though I was the one screaming and losing my shit) and reminded me there were kids there (mine was hysterical thinking I was hurt).

I declined to press charges (the husband is pissed, saying I should have) and the woman left and the McDonald's manager offered us all ice cream to make up for the disturbance.

The absolute best part was when the cop was walking us out to our car, eating his ice cream cone, and the boy told him he thought they should have a security guard stationed there so this didn't happen again, and they could hire one from his Daddy!

So that was my night, and you can call me white trash, I won't be offended.

A few recent shots

2011-01-11T13:41:00.004-09:00

The boy gets his new karate belt

My little ninja and the sensei

Celebrating with a slice bigger than his head

All geared up for his first ski lesson

The boy's skis next to daddy's skis (how cute is that?)

On fat asses and high-tech devices

2011-01-10T13:47:00.003-09:00

My Nook froze up so I have been compeltely without reading material for a few weeks. I don't want to buy a book when I have lots of them saved in my Nook, even though I cannot access it.

And that was a big pain in the rear this weekend because I had to do a lot of waiting around. Saturday the boy had his karate belt test (which he passed, but I wasn't worried about his physical test, just the oral last week). That took 3 1/2 hours.

And Sunday he took his first ski lesson and I knew I could not ski while he took it (like the husband did) because of my angry ankle, so I was stuck sitting in the chalet for 2 hours with all the moms who don't ski (which was very irritating and made me feel old and sad and pissed off at my body letting me down).

There are only so many times you can check email and facebook on your phone while you wait through things like that.

So today I finally took the time and sat on hold for 45 minutes to get someone at the Nook helpdesk and they agreed that since I had tried everything on the website to unfreeze it and noting worked, it was f#$ked (they used a more technical term, but whatever) and, since it was under warranty, they should send me a new one.

So, within 3 to 5 days I should have a new nook in my hands and have reading material for next Sunday while I wait in the chalet like a loser fat-ass. sigh.

Denouement

2011-01-06T11:26:00.002-09:00

OK so the boy passed. He was tested in a group of 4 kids and by the sensei's daughter, who is a teenager and tends to make it fun, so all in all it was much less pressure and difficulty than I had made it up to be in my mind. They do seem to give some leeway to the fact that he is only 5.

I am still going to ride him to study for these tests, though. If I have to study for mine, so does he. So there.

Rinse and repeat

2011-01-05T09:28:00.004-09:00

I will not call the sensei and ask him to go easy on the boy tonight in his oral test.

I will let the boy experience natural consequences of not studying as much as he should.

I will not be a helicopter parent.

Bits 'n' Pieces

2011-01-04T08:53:00.003-09:00

- The clock in my office is ticking really loudly today. I have never noticed its tick before, at all. Maybe it just started to tick? Maybe I'm in an Edgar Allen Poe novel?

- I had some weird random reaction to something last night, and I am not sure what it was. My whole body began to ache and my muscles and joints were sore. My skin felt too tight and if I moved too quickly I got muscle cramps. It might have been something I ate (possibly the Thai food I had at lunch but I have never had trouble with it before, or maybe a preservative in the mesquite-spiced pork tenderloin I used in the green chili we had for dinner?) but I didn't have a migraine or stuffy nose like I would usually get with a food sensitivity.

- The boy is scheduled to test for his yellow-belt-with-orange-stripe this weekend at karate and has his oral test on Wednesday after school. We have already postponed this test two months, once because he wasn't ready and once because he'd been sick. I am not sure he'll pass the oral part because getting him to study is difficult. I am hoping the sensei will give him a break becaase he's only 5. He knows all the rules and virtues if you give him a hint, but he can't match them up with the numbers very well. For instance, if I say "What's rule number 9?" he doesn't know. But If I say "What's the rule about how to sit?" he can reel it off perfectly. We'll see.

- Whatever they give Ferguson to make him throw up makes his fur feel really, really soft. Apparently induced vomiting agrees with him.

That frickin' dog!

2011-01-03T10:39:00.006-09:00

Well, Ferguson was at it again on Saturday.

We went out for pizza and when we got home, we discovered he had ransacked the bathroom, emptied the cabinet under the sink (along with the trash can and the cat's litter box) and eaten an entire bottle of children's tylenol.

I panicked, remembering something a vet had said to me once about how aceteminophen alters red blood cells in cats and dogs and can be fatal, called the vet and they agreed he needed to be seen NOW if not sooner.

So I left the husband to clean up the mess and bathe the boy (love him for that) and raced to the vet's office (open 24-hours a day, love that place) driving WAY to fast on slick roads and yelling at drivers who got in my way.

They quickly induced vomiting and didn't find any pills which was 1) scary because it means he could have absorbed them all already and 2) understandable since they were meltaway tablets, so they suggested activated charcoal to help absorb any remaining stuff in his gut and 2 weeks of preventative medicine to help ward off liver damage.

He did not have to spend a night in the ER or get an IV so I guess there was some positive outcome to it.

He did cost me $250 and a lot of worry.

Little F-er. Seriously, it's a good thing I am over the moon in love with him.

(doing his best imitation of a bat)

In happier news, I cut all my hair off on Thursday and immediately felt better. I am just not a long-haired person and the husband agrees.

(please ignore the triple chin and crooked glasses, it's not easy to take a good photo of oneself)

And the husband and I went New Year's Eve. YES WE DID!

We left the house alone and diod adult things. Like see The Fighter (which is awesome), have a yummylicious dinner with wine and go to an Indigo Girls concert.

The concert was great (I covet the dress opening act Melissa Mitchell ((Alaskan with an awesome voice)) was wearing, on the right)
although my angry ankle was screaming after three hours of standing and I had to sit on the floor for a while (luckily it was a smallish mellow crowd).

Here's to being an adult.

2010-12-30T08:56:00.002-09:00

Sooo...

Apparently early menopause runs in my family.

I discovered this when talking to my mom this morning after I HAD MY FIRST HOT FLASH!!!!!!!

Seriously. I am 41 and I had a hot flash.

Just kill me now.

Against the grain

2010-12-29T09:03:00.003-09:00

I hate New Year's Eve.

Actually no, I don't hate it. i just think people make a lot of hype over it and spend way too much money and never have as good a time as they should for the money they spend. So, I usually opt for spending it at home, asleep by midnight.

But this year is different. Because we have tickets to a concert I am very excited about. The Indigo Girls are playing here at a place that has awesome homebrewed beer and pizza. We bought tickets back in October for it. And arranged a babysitter immediately.

We both love the girls and beer and pizza.

I just hope there aren't too many drunk assholes there.

But, come to think of it, I am sure the husband can find a few (ahem) "tough chicks" to help him deal with them if there are...

Oh my achin' back

2010-12-27T11:25:00.004-09:00

I have a Lego injury.

Two sessions of more than an hour bent over the coffee table helping the boy assemble his Christmas presents left me with lower back spasms.

Welcome to middle age.

Awesome

2010-12-22T10:58:00.004-09:00

This is the best Hallelujah Chorus video yet. It's from a village on the Kuskokwim River in western Alaska. I think perhaps their teacher was a bit bored...

Sweetness

2010-12-22T10:26:00.003-09:00

The husband told me the boy asked him the other night if he wanted a new Finny for Christmas.

My heart just about broke in pieces at the sweetness of the boy. He knows Daddy and Finny had a special bond.

The worst thing he can think of

2010-12-21T13:21:00.001-09:00

This morning the boy got mad at me and told me he didn't like me and he would never have sleepy cuddles with me again.

WOW, THAT WAS HARSH!

When we made up, I told him he had to take it back.

Yearly dilemma

2010-12-20T15:55:00.002-09:00

I encounter a dilemma at this time if year: I LOVE traditional Christmas music (Like O Holy Night, Oh Come All Ye Faithful and What child is this, NOT Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is coming to Town) and yet I don't believe in any of the contents of it any more.

I really enjoy listening to it because it holds so many good memories for me and brings up happy Christmas memories (my parents did a good job of making Christmas special, not too commercial, very family oriented), but i feel a bit fraudulent.

But then, I guess I would not feel that way listening to traditional music from Diwali or Hannukah even though I don't believe any of that either.

I think I need to just chill and crank the Andrea Bocelli.

Only in my house

2010-12-17T10:53:00.006-09:00

Only in my house would a father bring home a surprise from work for his 5-year-old son: two bullet-hole-ridden targets from his range qualification.

And only in my house would that 5-year-old son be over-the-moon excited by the surprise.

What? Doesn't every 5-year-old have their room decorated with cardboard cutouts of bad guys?

Missing you

2010-12-16T09:20:00.003-09:00

I had a visit in a dream from this guy the other night:

It was so real that in my dream I was asking myself if I was awake and would not open my eyes because I knew he would disappear if I did. I think it was more of an actual visit than a dream. he knew I was scared and needed some love.

My Shabby tabby visited me a few times after she died too.

The visit from Finny was wonderful but it made me pretty emeotinally fragile the next day, when I added the sadness over it not being real to the stress over the boy being sick with something serious. (He is all better, by the way, and has moved on to trying to get mileage out of having been sick...)

Red in the face

2010-12-15T10:46:00.003-09:00

This is what he looked like at the height of it Monday night. Poor puppy dog.

He's lots better now, the fever is gone and the rash is minimal. He's mostly just itchy now from the remains of the rash. He even went to school today for a half day.

I keep imagining the panic parents must have felt before antibiotics when their kids got ill like this. I know kids can still die these days but the sheer number of scary things they could die from in the past is scary. And people would have 10 kids and lose 5 of them. I can't even imagine the grief.

Anyhoo, next time he tells me he has a sore throat we are off ot the doctor right away.

I feel like I'm in an 1800s novel

2010-12-14T14:19:00.002-09:00

The boy has freaking scarlet fever!

He's going to be fine, antibiotics are a wonderful thing.

2010-12-13T08:50:00.004-09:00

I had a full 24 hours (count 'em!) between feeling like I didn't want to die when I woke up on Saturday and the first time the boy puked on Sunday. Sigh.

He's home now with the husband, not puking any more but still feverish.

The worst part was I had arranged to watch a friend's two kids for the afternoon so she and her husband could have a date and go Christmas shopping, and I had to cancel literally right when I was supposed to be there, since the boy puked in the car on the way. I felt so bad calling her.

I love this!

2010-12-10T15:55:00.000-09:00

A movie filmed by cats!

http://www.theittybittykittycommittee.com/2010/12/butterbean-on-big-screen.html

Sick, sick, sickity, sick

2010-12-08T09:37:00.003-09:00

This is me:

Really?

2010-12-06T15:32:00.002-09:00

All that money from the Mormons and this is the best argument you can come up with?

Prop. 8: Lawyer argues that marriage exists in society's interest so that men and women can procreate

hey!

2010-12-06T12:51:00.001-09:00

Check me out over here today